I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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