He asked to "fluff my boner.."
false alarm. still invincible.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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