what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
