the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
