i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
sex in a hospital.. check
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
