You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
there was a trapeze. enough said
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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