How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
