Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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