If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
