it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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