I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
