11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
