im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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