i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
