Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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