Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
