Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
