Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
