Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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