To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
