ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
