Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
