In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
