if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
