I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
