If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh god it's open bar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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