Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
