if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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