just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
