well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
