My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize