did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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