nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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