and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
