The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
