I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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