Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
