my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
