How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
