Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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