Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
