On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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