You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
