Plan B is the new Plan A
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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