she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
