we're chasing vodka with high fives
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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