i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
