That's when you crack a 10am beer
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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