there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
