i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
