He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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