Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
