Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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