I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Come share oat with me in your robe
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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