3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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