my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
