Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
