am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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