I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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