Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
