You're so nebulous sometimes
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
