I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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