He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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