My cat gives me a boner
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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