now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
