my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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