i don't like sucking hair
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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