Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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