Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
