I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
