Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
