He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
