You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize