Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
whose parrot is this?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
