Got a toothbrush?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
