The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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