somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
