i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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