My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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