so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize