my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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