guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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