I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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